Skip to main content

I Remember...

I remember when Java first came out surfing the Internet on my 28k dial-up connection and hitting a page with a Java applet; either Netscape would come crashing down or my computer would lock up...

I remember schoolmates telling me Java was "the future" because it ran on a virtual machine which meant it was cross platform, and then being ostracized by them when I pointed out that QBasic would be considered cross platform, too...

I remember reading Java programming books before I understood OOP and wondering why I had to write a hundred lines of code just to output "Hello World"...

I remember reading Java programming books after I understood OOP and still wondering why I had to write a hundred lines of code just to output "Hello World"...

I remember trying to convince myself every time I started Eclipse and watched my P4 run slower than a 486 that I just hadn't given Java a fair shake and I needed to embrace it with an open heart and mind...

I remember working a contract-gig on a government funded Java web-based application and trudging through spaghetti code they claimed was design patterns and infinity-tier architecture they claimed was best practices...

I remember learning unsigned integers are for losers, and Java is a programming language for winners; no one will ever need an unsigned 64-bit integer anyway...

I remember reading licensing clauses that prohibit using Java to build critical software to monitor things like nuclear reactors...

I remember seeing the "Life is too short for Java" t-shirt and feeling I was a horrible person because I sympathized with it...

I remember refusing to apply for a Java programming job, much to my parents' dismay and lecturing because I was unemployed, and instead starting my first business venture, writing my first book, and landing a full-time job using a language I enjoy...

I remember Sun's only way of making a profit off Java was suing business partners they had previously licensed its use to...

With such sweet memories, what I don't remember is: why do I hate Java?


  1. Speaking of Hello World.............

    public class HelloWorld
    private String [] hWArray =
    {"bonjour tout les monde","Hello World","Hallo Welt","Herro Word"};
    private String desLanguage;
    private String [] country =

    public HelloWorld(String desLanguageValue)
    desLanguage = desLanguageValue;

    public String toString()

    if (desLanguage.equals(country[0]))
    return hWArray [0];
    else if (desLanguage.equals(country[1]))
    return hWArray [1];
    else if (desLanguage.equals(country[2]))
    return hWArray [2];
    else if (desLanguage.equals(country[3]))
    return hWArray [3];
    return "OMFG";

    public class HelloWorldConstructor
    private HelloWorld theHelloWorld;
    public HelloWorldConstructor(String desLang)
    theHelloWorld = new HelloWorld(desLang);
    public String toString()
    return theHelloWorld.toString();
    public class HelloWorldMain
    public static void main(String [] args)
    HelloWorldConstructor tHWC = new HelloWorldConstructor(args [0]);
    catch(ArrayIndexOutOfBoundsException e)



Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Creepy JavaScript Tracking

I recently began allergy shots so my new Monday morning routine includes me sitting in a doctor's office for 30 minutes (I must wait after receiving the shots and be checked by a nurse to make sure there was no reaction). With nothing else better to do while I waited last week, I started playing around with some JavaScript. This is what I came up with:
<html> <head> <title>Test</title> <script type="text/javascript"> window.onload = function () { var mX = 0,  mY = 0, sX = 0,  sY = 0, queue = [], interval = 200, recIntv = null, playIntv = null, b = document.body, de = document.documentElement, cursor = document.getElementById("cursor"), record = document.getElementById("record"), play = document.getElementById("play"); window.onmousemove = function (e) { e = e || window.event; if (e.pageX || e.pageY) { …

Composing Music with PHP

I’m not an expert on probability theory, artificial intelligence, and machine learning. And even my Music 201 class from years ago has been long forgotten. But if you’ll indulge me for the next 10 minutes, I think you’ll find that even just a little knowledge can yield impressive results if creatively woven together. I’d like to share with you how to teach PHP to compose music. Here’s an example: You’re looking at a melody generated by PHP. It’s not the most memorable, but it’s not unpleasant either. And surprisingly, the code to generate such sequences is rather brief. So what’s going on? The script calculates a probability map of melodic intervals and applies a Markov process to generate a new sequence. In friendlier terms, musical data is analyzed by a script to learn which intervals make up pleasing melodies. It then creates a new composition by selecting pitches based on the possibilities it’s observed. . Standing on ShouldersComposition doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Bach was f…

Geolocation Search

Services that allow users to identify nearby points of interest continue to grow in popularity. I'm sure we're all familiar with social websites that let you search for the profiles of people near a postal code, or mobile applications that use geolocation to identify Thai restaurants within walking distance. It's surprisingly simple to implement such functionality, and in this post I will discuss how to do so.

The first step is to obtain the latitude and longitude coordinates of any locations you want to make searchable. In the restaurant scenario, you'd want the latitude and longitude of each eatery. In the social website scenario, you'd want to obtain a list of postal codes with their centroid latitude and longitude.

In general, postal code-based geolocation is a bad idea; their boundaries rarely form simple polygons, the area they cover vary in size, and are subject to change based on the whims of the postal service. But many times we find ourselves stuck on a c…